Trauma Forgotten/Trauma Remembered
by Dick Donnenwirth, LPCC
"The pain just went somewhere," sobbed the middle-aged woman as she recalled a childhood gang rape organized by an adult family member. It had taken hard work to recollect the details which had to be brought forth from the vague shadows at the beginning of pastoral psychotherapy. Even though she had received corroboration from a sibling who had been a co-victim in the same atrocity, she still had periods of self-doubt. And the searing physical, psychic and spiritual pain has only recently been recovered and integrated into her adult, whole personality. Such is the elaborate and wonderful defense mechanism which the Creator has provided vulnerable children and adults to shield them from the unbearable pain of unspeakable acts of violence such as incest, ritual abuse, rape, torture and even violent community disasters. But the signs of forgotten pain - a vacuous visage, an unusual startle response, strong mood swings, violent dreams and "blackouts" - are often visible scars of "forgotten" trauma.
The "false memory" debate which has recently broken into the public media has made a valid point that a small number of misguided and impatient therapists have convinced their clients of trauma which never happened. However, the main message of the most militant of the false memory groups, - that all recovered memories are false, - is itself totally erroneous. Further, this attempt to invalidate all recovered memory is excruciatingly painful to many victims and only serves to re-traumatize them. (The original perpetrators and accomplices told them it never happened, or they would be killed if they told).
The movement of both the traumatized person and the recovered memories from the therapy office to the courtroom may well prove unhelpful to the healing process, because of the shattering of boundaries and the dismantling of the therapeutic frame. Vengeance and the seeking of retribution are not considered values in most religious traditions. The spirit of forgiveness following a working through process can often be an end-stage for healing.
For centuries, wounded persons have consciously and unconsciously sought refuge in parish communities. Sometimes rituals and spiritual disciplines dissolve some of the defenses mentioned above and the remembering of the past begins. Well-intentioned clergy and lay persons are encouraged to be guided by the following principles:
- Walk with or "one step behind" the person in recollecting, not ahead.
- Do not "troll for memories."
- Be empathic and support; don't try to solve the problem.
- Consult with a mental health professional.
- Attempt to facilitate a referral.
Reprinted with permission from the Winter, 1994 edition of PPImprints, the Journal of The Professional Pastoral-Counseling Institute, Inc. To be notified when PPImprints is published, please register.
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