What Does it Mean to Die Well?
A response to Kathy Krug's article on Physician-Assisted Suicide.
by Erna Dennis, LPCC
I am helping my father to die. As a dementia patient in a nursing home, he often asks me how old he is. When I say 84, he says, "Oh my! At my funeral people will say he was old." Our conversations invariably lead to his funeral arrangements and the inevitable comment, "Why do you suppose I can't die? I'm not afraid. I want to go." I don't have the answer. I do know he wasn't ready to die 20 years ago when a bout with congestive heart failure almost took him. He has had some very good years since then. We are both grateful for medical technology which enable him to live.
Until recently, medical interventions for him have included extensive testing for which he had to be sent to a lab or hospital. The trips always disoriented and agitated him. Talking it over with his doctor resulted in a plan to treat the symptoms only. Even at that, it is not always clear as to where to draw the line. I was recently called by his nurse checking to see if she should order antibiotics for a chest cold. Of course I said yes. I would think that is a comfort measure.
What is a natural death? Few of us will experience it. Many of us will live much longer than we want to. Kenneth Overberg, theology professor at Xavier University, writes, "Because life is a basic but not absolute good, we do not have to do everything possible in every situation to keep someone alive. Only ordinary means of life support must be used; extraordinary means are not required. Ordinary means are interventions that offer reasonable hope of benefit and can be used without excessive expense, pain or inconvenience."
As Kathy Krug mentioned in her article, the Greek word Euthanasia translates as "good death" or "to die well." What perhaps experts on both sides of the Euthanasia debate overlook is that "dying well" certainly includes preparing for it spiritually. I have "pastored" a few people in their dying and what they want most is inner peace, an assurance that God loves them and that their sins are forgiven. To be in the presence of a dying person is "holy ground." People on their death bed are appreciative of prayer and will often chime in. I will never forget one dying woman's urgent prayer, - "Please God, take me. I'm sorry I want so much to die, but I want so desperately to come home to you."
The question of Euthanasia, whether passive or active, is with us to stay. Medical advances have saved many lives, but created problems about dying. Perhaps, this is the new "frontier." How can we die well? It's a process that requires careful guidance and all the spiritual resources we have. It requires "companions", people who have wrestled with their own fear of death and who can guide and assist the dying.
In my own case, I have had to face my own issues of abandonment, fears of suffering and illness, love of possessions, and much more as I participate in my father's "Long Good-bye." In spite of his progressive feebleness and confusion of mind, the love between us has grown past appearances and clever words. And I know that, as one of my teen clients puts it, "After death, their love hangs around!"
Reprinted with permission from the Summer, 1997 edition of PPImprints, the Journal of The Professional Pastoral-Counseling Institute, Inc. To be notified when PPImprints is published, please register.
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