Book Review:
Connect by Edward M. Hallowell,M.D.
New York Pantheon, 1999
By Dick Donnenwirth, LPCC
"As a psychiatrist I can always tell when my patients are starting to get better, because they start to increase their connections, " writes the author. Growing up in a very disconnected family of origin and a totally dysfunctional relationship with his step-father, Hallowell speaks most appreciatively of his extended family relations, neighbors, school companions and the influence of church connectedness.
Having written several previous books on anxiety and depression, the doctor has collected the twelve points of connections as 1) family of origin, 2) immediate family, 3) friends and community, 4) work, mission, activity, 5) beauty, 6) the past, 7) nature and special places, 8) pets and other animals, 9) ideas and information, 10) institutions and organizations, 11) whatever is beyond knowledge, 12) yourself.
In this age of specialization and narrow focusing, it is great to encounter a knowledgeable writer who emphasizes inclusivity and balance. He also makes quite a point of noting that "contacts" are not "connects," implying that interaction over time is intrinsic to "connection." An obvious point, perhaps, but often overlooked in this day of superficial "relationships" at bars, cocktail parties, dating services and the like! Is not the local parish church the ideal place to make connections, not contacts?
The other part of Hallowell this reviewer really likes is his willingness to name God as God without being rigidly sectarian. At a time when spirituality has been critically described as "a mile wide and an inch deep," the author unabashedly describes his own life-long companionship with God and the importance of this connection for him, his marriage and his family.
Hallowell has an interesting twist in understanding the narcissistic, exclusive self-interest of our time. He believes that, rather than disconnected-ness resulting from early narcissistic injuries, many narcissistically-oriented persons develop their self-focus from an increasing lack of important connections. This reviewer believes there very well might be several different kinds of narcissism rampant today.
As a pastoral counselor, I can affirm that many of my clients suffer from a lack of meaningful connections, and part of the healing relationship we have is intended to help them handle their grief, fears, anxieties, depressions and personal idiosyncrasies in such a way as to increase the realistic potential of quality connections. It is quite disappointing when, in certain cases, this does not occur. At those moments I have to rely more strongly on my faith perspective which includes the belief that God never intended that I would heal every client, save every marriage, or prevent all future tragedies. However, I'm not excused from professional excellence. My prayer along with St. Francis and AA is "God, grant me the courage to change what can be changed, the serenity to accept what cannot be changed and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
This is a good book filled with great sermon illustrations. Read it!
Reprinted with permission from the Fall 2000 edition of PPImprints, the Journal of The Professional Pastoral-Counseling Institute, Inc. To be notified when PPImprints is published, please register.
This website is designed, maintained and
kindly donated by:
