Claws in the Soul, Chained to the Past: Trauma and its Impact
Poem and text by P.C., L.M.T., M.Ed., M.Div.
Overwhelmed by assault
Attack or neglect
Terror and heartbreak
Self crushed and shattered
Words don’t explain it
Nor reason contains it
Anger and threat
Are sharp claws in my soul
Life-body constricted
No armor sufficient
No corner is safe
No lock feels secure
Can’t face or escape
This roaring oppressor
The tiger invades sleep
It’s scream in my soul
The fight and the running
Exhaust every effort
Which turn to decide on
Is always in vain
Yet now is a moment
My body remembers
A brief state of safety
Unhooks my true soul
If you have experienced overwhelming events we call trauma, you have lived in the images of the poem. You may still do so. You know the sensation of threat and terror. Your body vibrates and can sometimes overwhelm you all over again because it does not know that the event is not still happening. Some part of your soul continues to want to escape or overcome an accident or perpetrator. You remember on many levels, yet you often forget you survived.
The nature of our nervous system is to be lightning quick to let us know what is not safe. It immediately speeds up everything for survival. Orienting--quick scans, looking for escape routes, charging muscles to run or fight, it takes action or freezes until it recognizes the threat is not real or until it overcomes the threat. The bad news is it does not easily forget. The grip of the past sticks like the claws, keeping you or me panicked, out of the present. You fear the future, having difficulty in significant relationships. Often the worst is believing you’re to blame.
Healing trauma and the accompanying grief is as big a challenge as anyone gets in this life. It can become one’s life work. Yet the claws can loosen over time with attentiveness, support, and therapeutic processes that do not overwhelm.
I have realized recently that this healing process becomes similar to spiritual practice. Healing may be like spiritual practice: a regular encounter with silence, prayer, movement, sitting, gratitude wonder—being with unknown, the Holy, God/Goddess, dark and light. After practice the day is different for a while. In healing trauma one faces the unholy, injury, or symptoms, and then goes on with life for a while, knowing that the practice deserves repeating for many days the shock is digested.
Consider these possibilities:
Build resources: community, creative, relational.
Be kind to your body when it’s activated. Untangle false thoughts.
Practice experiences that re-establish a sense of safety and trust.
Give yourself a break when you feel or believe “I should be over this.” If you’re not, your not; getting help for understanding and support can bring relief.
If you choose therapy know that building trust takes time.
Therapy should not overwhelm you.
See what happens when you consider “you don’t have to do it all yourself.”
Study your dissociation. Knowing it builds tolerance for the present. That changes things.
Count your blessings… often.
Notice what happens when you access gratitude or beauty.
There is value in persistence—daring to keep trying when it is dark during the daylight.
Suggested readings: Judith Hermann, Trauma and Recovery, Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance. Articles at www.trauma-pages.com. Especially Besl van der Kolk; Nijenhuis, Van der Hart, & Steele; and Ogden & Minton, “Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: One Method for Processing Traumatic Memory.”
Ed Gutfreund, P.C., L.M.T., M.Ed., M.Div., offers Somatic Soul Care which incorporates deep psychotherapy and bodywork. He teaches in both professions. As a writer, potter and musician he relies on the creative process as he works with trauma and developmental issues.