Making Some Sense of Adolescence

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Making Some Sense of Adolescence

by Robert Heiliger, LPCC

Why is adolescence so tough? Why do some teens fight so hard against everything and everybody, while other teens seem to get along so well with everybody? Why do some adolescents seem never to leave home and hang around well into their twenties? About fifteen years ago I wrote a lengthy paper on adolescence, hoping one day to expand the work further into a book on the "theology of adolescence."

Eight adolescents later (four biological kids, three step-kids, and one foster son), I feel more experientially qualified but far less certain that a comprehensive theology of adolescence can be written -- at least by me. On the other hand, I see no one else taking up the challenge either. There are, of course, numerous books on how teens ought to behave, as if there ever was some cookie cutter shape for the right way an adolescent should turn out.

What seems to be missing though is an underlying theology of adolescence. I offer my "Top 10 list" of issues that I believe deserve dialogue in developing this theology of adolescence.

The Alice in Wonderland phenomenon. Lewis Carroll's zany classic describes life for poor Alice as an almost adolescent about to go through enormous change physically, emotionally, with her identity (Cheshire cat's question "Who are you?"), and her struggle with authority, and time (rabbit's refrain "I'm late, I'm late!"). A theology of adolescence must account for these rapid and ongoing changes.
Adolescence does not begin at 13 and end at 19. Adolescence describes a period of development, not an airtight chronological window. Some theorists believe the seeds of adolescent behavior and emotions can be traced back to the developmental struggle ten years earlier. Do 13 year olds act like 3 year olds, 14 year olds like 4, etc.? Why do lots of young adults continue to hang around their parents' homes, not commit to a vocation, settle down and find a mate, attend church, and carry on the family traditions when they are well into their twenties? It is estimated that 97% of all adults in western culture are still working through some of their adolescent issues. Imagine a parent working through his/her own adolescent issues while trying to parent a rebellious teenager!
Western culture fosters adolescent rebellion. Western adolescents are forced to define their own identity and culture. It is as if the frontier is ever before them, now in the form of cyberspace and outer space. They must learn to survive in their unknown wilderness, but sadly there is little rootedness in the collective consciousness of their ancestor's culture, as in eastern cultures. There is evidence, however, of a deep yearning to understand the collective unconscious (Jung) and to find peace in one's own inner space.
Identity development is critical. A theology of adolescence will need to weave in not only a psycho-social developmental theory of adolescence (Erickson), but help explain how this identity is understood as a creature of God. The question of adolescence, "Who am I?", must also be understood as "Who am I in relation to God and the creation?"
A proper understanding of and respect for the meaning of boundaries is essential. The Ten Commandments have provided western culture a base upon which to develop laws and moral standards. Nevertheless, there needs to be developed a broader appreciation of how adolescents experience limits imposed on them by family, culture, and God. What happens when boundaries are too rigid or too loose? It is in understanding boundaries that the proper transfer of authority and responsibility takes place. This transfer is often uneven, awkward, or resisted by adolescent as well as adult.
What is normal? Is God's will such that "normal" only applies to certain times, places, and cultures? Does the frontier have its own set of codes? Adolescence, bursting forth with the potential for sexual expression, raises a multitude of ethical questions.
Meanwhile, there is a part of the adolescent that cries out for an ideal existence. Rooted in infant narcissism, the adolescent's yearning is for a world where perfect symbiosis exists. This "ego ideal" conflicts with the ego (executive decision maker) and superego (conscience). It is that part of us that is most uncompromising, full of id energy, and believes in things unseen, and desires them. Collectively, enough adolescent ego ideal energy can result in cultural or religious or political revolution, even war.
Eventually, there is painful realization within adolescence that even pursuit of the ideal is not enough. In fact, there is an ever-present, though often small, voice that says "Who do you think you are? You're not God!" God's Law, calling us into accountability for our creatureliness, reminds the adolescent part of us, "You failed. You are still not good enough." Wanting to deny that, the adolescent wears a persona of immortality, virility, certainty. Beneath the mask lie feelings of shame and guilt. It is absolutely essential that the adolescent has an encounter with evil, touches it, without being consumed by it!
With a more honest assessment of creatureliness, the adolescent is able to hear that God has a second Word, not of judgment and condemnation, but of grace. This is the Gospel. One is able to surrender the selfish center of self to fill the ego ideal with new images of love, compassion and forgiveness as modeled in the person of Christ. With God's grace the adolescent can say, "I am, with the power and love of Christ within me, on my way to being a functioning member of my family, my society, my world."
I believe that when the adolescent lives by Christ as the ego ideal, they succeed in living by that tenet that "Love is the fulfilling of the Law." (Romans 13:10) An adolescent of any age who lives by the power of the Gospel of Christ will respond in an appropriate manner no matter what variables might be pressing on him/her from outside or from within. To struggle in this manner as an adolescent can only be viewed as pleasing to God.

Reprinted with permission from the Winter, 1996 edition of PPImprints, the Journal of The Professional Pastoral-Counseling Institute, Inc. To be notified when PPImprints is published, please register.